Mari Aoki- AZNBBG (Official Music Video)
AZNBBG 05/24
CREDITS:
Videographer and Editor: Aaron Huang https://www.instagram.com/aaaaahwang/
Assistant Videographer: Vivian Shinder
https://www.instagram.com/vivshinder/
Graphic Design: Lisa Nakanishi
https://www.instagram.com/kittenluuv/
Producer: Mari Aoki
Songwriter: Mari Aoki
Engineer/Mixer: James Sohn
https://www.instagram.com/jamessohnmusic/
Choreographer: Rex Perry
https://www.instagram.com/__eryixyzj__/
Dancers:
Mari Aoki
Sonya Chen
https://www.instagram.com/neocoolstar/
Ndaru “Roo” Kartikaningsih
https://www.instagram.com/roosyelloww/
Justine Luo
Lillian Mimi Mckenzie
https://www.instagram.com/lillian_mimi_mckenzie/
Rin Nagaya
https://www.instagram.com/123_rin_nagaya/
Rex Perry
Olivia Zhao
https://www.instagram.com/evil_olive_tree/
And shout out to Yu-Wen Wu for their installation of Lantern Stories which made a beautiful backdrop to our night time scene.
https://www.rosekennedygreenway.org/lanternstories2022
Thank you to these amazing Asian creators that brought this to life!
I'm so so grateful for your patience and respect to carry this out. You guys rock!!
LINK TREE TO ALL PLATFORMS:
https://linktr.ee/mariaoki
Artist Statement:
This song was born out of the realization that I was not intolerable to look at.
From a young age, I realized that the way I looked was not desirable.
"Why is it that the facial structure of an anime character looks disappointingly different from mine? And even in real life, why do I look like…how I do? "
Not only this, the blandness of white-American culture (no hate to salt, pepper, and buttered boiled things seasoned tho lol) made my bento boxes seem extra smelly. It wasn't my fault the daily American school lunch smelled like wet nothing. But I didn't know any better as a kid. These experiences instilled a lot of shame in who I was as a kid.
Transitioning from elementary to high school, gradually, I'd start to find myself in more situations with yes, you guessed it, ✨BOYS✨.
And what was I supposed to do? Just look at them and drool? Or the opposite; throw rocks at them because they sucked because…they were boys? Ohh no no no, I was to be friends with them!
They'd be a ✨guy friend✨.
Oh man.
Sooo cool, the way that rolls off of my tongue.
Guy Friend😎
A relationship where your lack of romantic or sexual appeal not only is allowed, but doesn't matter.
"Woah, woah, woah, this sounds too good to be true.
This means that...I can expect a guy to be nice to be? Like say hi when they see me and stuff? Nice, I'll take it."
But this low self worth added confusion to my experience in romance.
What does it mean to like someone? What does it mean to be liked by someone?
Is it a take what you can get sort of deal, or do I listen to dissatisfaction and look for better (whatever that was.) Do I even deserve to? Was having audacity not allowed because my self worth was so little?
And as the years went by this escalated to boys telling me that I was actually attractive to them. THAT. BOOM. I just caught Santa Clause placing a gift under the tree, I just saw God with my own eyes. I am pretty.
So, eventually, enough people told me I was pretty. So logically, the idea of me being perceived as attractive was no longer unbelievable. It became normalized. And that should have been enough right?
And as if it couldn't get even more fantastic, I got a ✨boyfriend✨ *cue anime "WOW" sound FX*. This was like, the feeling of becoming famous, becoming a millionaire, becoming that thing that we all strive to be and spend so long on the other side of. So how was it where the grass is so green it's BLUE?? Well let me tell you something. It was the quintessential, when you achieve your dream, will you be ready for it? Like no bitch lol. They barely trained me for this shit! They gave me a green apron with my name tag that said "Girl Friend" on it, pushed me out of the break room and spanked my ass on the way out. It was like BOOM okay kiss, BOOM pull away, BOOM look like you've done it before. But it was hard. I couldn't stand staring at my partner. I still can't, with a different partner. It's not the staring part that's hard. It's the part about being stared at. I gotta think what they're seeing. And it's just so unbearable. Still.
I write all of this because, at the end of the day, it doesn't fucking matter if you're Asian or an ethnic minority or a sexual or gender minority. Self hate is a mother fucker. And I know damn well each person reading this felt something. I atleast fucking hope so. I know this song is really positive and confident. It's partially a deflection. Also an attempt at writing a social justice-confident female-pop song lol. Either way, whoever is reading this, I hope you continue to cleanse yourself of these false beliefs about yourself. You're fucking fine. In fact you're pretty great, solely because there isn't another one.
